Stop Spending Time On Things You Can Not Control

 Are You Watering the Right Flowers?

Imagine you’re tending to a garden. Some flowers are in a greenhouse, where you control the temperature, watering, and sunlight to help them thrive. Other flowers grow outside, exposed to unpredictable weather—rainstorms, harsh sunlight, and wind. No matter how much effort you put into protecting them, you can’t control the weather.

This metaphor is a perfect reflection of how we often live and work. Many of us pour endless energy into circumstances we can’t influence—other people’s opinions, decisions, or actions—while neglecting the areas where we can actually make a difference.

The question is: Are you nurturing the flowers in your greenhouse, or wasting energy on those outside your control?

In this blog post, I’ll explore the three biggest areas where professionals waste energy, why it’s counterproductive, and how to refocus on what truly matters for greater productivity and well-being.

What You Can’t Control—and Why It’s Draining You

Despite our best intentions, many professionals get caught in the trap of focusing on what they can’t control. It’s a natural response to stress and uncertainty, but it ultimately drains energy that could be better spent elsewhere.

1. You Can’t Control What Other People Think

We all want to be seen in a positive light—whether it’s impressing a client, gaining the trust of a colleague, or earning the approval of leadership. But the reality is, you can’t control what others think, feel, or how they react to you.

Worrying about someone else’s perception can lead to overthinking and second-guessing yourself. For example:

• Replaying a conversation, wondering if you came across as competent or likable.
• Holding back in meetings for fear of being judged.

The truth? What others think of you says more about them than it does about you. Spending mental energy on this is like trying to stop a storm—you can’t control it.

What You Can Control Instead:
Shift your focus inward. Ask yourself:

• Did I prepare thoroughly?
• Did I communicate clearly and professionally?
• Did I act with integrity?

When you measure success based on your own actions and values, you stop outsourcing confidence to others and reclaim your power.

2. You Can’t Control Whether Clients Will Buy

Sales, negotiations, and client relationships often feel like a game of waiting—waiting for a yes, a renewal, or a deal to close. It’s easy to fixate on the outcome, especially when there’s pressure to meet targets or achieve a specific result.

But here’s the catch: The client’s decision is influenced by factors beyond your control, like budget constraints, competing priorities, or internal politics. Worrying about their decision only creates anxiety and distracts you from what’s next.

What You Can Control Instead:
Focus on your process:

• Are you building trust through consistent follow-ups?
• Are you addressing their needs with tailored solutions?
• Are you improving your communication and preparation?

For example, instead of agonizing over whether a pitch will land, ask:

• Can I add data or stories to demonstrate value?
• How can I follow up in a supportive, non-pushy way?
• What lessons can I apply to my next proposal?

Shifting your focus to your efforts—not the outcome—keeps you proactive and confident.

3. You Can’t Control What Your Colleague Does (or Doesn’t Do)

Teamwork is essential in most professional environments, but it comes with its challenges. We’ve all experienced the frustration of a colleague missing deadlines, failing to communicate, or not pulling their weight.

Stewing over their behavior only adds stress and resentment, which can spiral into burnout or strained relationships.

What You Can Control Instead:

• Curiosity and Empathy: Approach colleagues with understanding instead of assumptions.
• Clear Communication: Outline expectations and deadlines to ensure accountability.
• Proactive Problem-Solving: Create contingency plans to address potential gaps.

For example, instead of internalizing a teammate’s missed deadline, consider:

• Initiating a direct conversation to understand the root cause.
• Offering support or resources to help them succeed.
• Documenting shared responsibilities to ensure clarity moving forward.

And remember: 99% of the time, someone else’s behavior has nothing to do with you.

Why Redirecting Your Focus Matters

Refocusing your energy on what you can control is more than a mental shift—it’s a strategy for reducing stress and increasing productivity.

1. Efforts Build Confidence

When you take intentional actions, like preparing thoroughly or communicating effectively, you create a sense of progress and accomplishment.

2. Outcomes Are Unpredictable

Outcomes rely on variables beyond your control—market conditions, timing, or someone else’s decision. Letting go of these removes unnecessary stress.

3. Resilience Comes from Focus

When setbacks happen, focusing on your efforts allows you to bounce back stronger.

Taking Action: How to Water the Right Flowers

Here are four steps to help you shift your energy toward what you can control:

1. Prioritize Efforts
   List your stressors. Separate them into "What I Can Control" and "What I Can’t." Commit to the first column.

2. Set Boundaries
   If a situation is causing stress, set a follow-up plan and release the outcome.

3. Take Intentional Action
   Focus on preparation, communication, and improvement—areas within your influence.

4. Celebrate Wins
   Acknowledge your efforts, even when results aren’t perfect.

Ready to Focus on What Matters Most?